This is going to be short because I'm in the middle of a breakdown right now. I've just watched the film "A Secret Between Friends." This isn't a good thing to be doing on the night before my first day of college... fuck I guess it's 1 am huh.. Well anyway.
The song in the title? It came on as I was looking in the mirror naked, as I've grown used to doing night after night, hour after hour when I can't sleep. I broke down.
The guy I went to the beach with? Hasn't texted me since.
I was too fat. I was too fat for him, I know it. I KNOW IT. He took one look at me and decided I wasn't good enough. The only reason he kissed me is he felt SORRY FOR THE WHALE. It was a pitty date, he knew I was in love with him before. I was stupid to think he could love a 126 POUND COW LIKE ME.
What was I saying? Oh, yes, "A Secret Between Friends." Well, I certainly recommend this film for parents of teenaged girls and friends of potential Anas. But for Anas themselves, well, let's just say it triggered this breakdown along with "You're Not Alone." The co-star in the film, Jen, she's the PERSONIFICATION of Ana. For sure. Giving some pretty good tips.
For example, when the main character was in recovery, she discussed her daily calorie intake with the nutritionist and she had a pretty solid diet:
Breakfast: Water or tea.
Morning Snack: Gum
Lunch: One cracker and some pickles or carrots and water or diet coke.
Afternoon Snack: Gum.
Dinner: Salad or raw veggies.
I think I can do that. Fuck, I've tried everything else. And I'm nothing if not DESPERATE to be under 120 by September. That's 11 days away. Today marks the first day of college. Let's get pretty!
Well, ladies and gents, I'm gonna wipe these tears away and wakeup nice and empty tomorrow <3 TOODLIES :)
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