I am...so ridiculously happy to be back under 125. Hopefully, by the end of this week, I'll be at least 120. BRING IT ON. I'm sticking to the "Secret Between Friends" diet for now. I need more pro ana. I need it. I'm becoming obsessed with it. I'm looking up thinspo upon thinspo upon Ana Doc upon Ana Doc. To the point where I'm getting pissed because I've seen basically all of them. Like omfg why can't they make more.
It's so strange that I went into this rationally. I was one of those stupid annoying bitches that was all up on the interwebz sayin' "i W4NN4 B3 4N4 LOLZ G!MM3 Pr0-4N4 t!pz plzzzzz!!" Well, I mean.. I didn't start off thinking I was being rational. I didn't start off as just another dieter. I researched Anorexia. Thuroughly. I researched tips and starting up. I WANTED to be anorexic. How sick is that. How disgusting was I. I'm one of those horrid girls on tumblr giving out tips and looking for Ana buddies and accepting this as a lifestyle, not a disease. I glorify it. I love my eating disorder. Curse me. Shame on me. But I love it. I love being weak. I love blacking out. I love losing weight. I love having a terrible secret.
I am Pro-Ana. For myself. I don't know. I don't want other girls to feel this way. I don't want other girls to starve. I know what I'm doing to myself is wrong... But, at the same time, if one of you asked my for advice on how to starve or purge or hide things... I'd help you. Because I don't want to be a hypocrite.
Fuck. I'm evil. I am evil. I hate this disorder because I love it. I hate this disorder because I want to perfect it. I want a perfect my eating disorder so badly. I want perfect bones. I want to be thinspiration.
I want my boyfriend to become protective of me because of how fragile I am. I want to make people sad. And evious. I want to be as light as a feather. I want to walk down a street knowing I'm the thinnest girl there. I want to be the smallest girl at work. I want to be weak and vulnerable.
watch me. I'll get there.
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