the itsy bitsy Ana

So yesterday was incredible. I went on my very first date. A real date. With a real boy. He took me to the beach. I was so nervous. I know what you're thinking: "the beach? like with bikinis? ohmygosh you poor fat little girl." And you're absolutely right. He didn't seem too disgusted with my body while we were in the ocean. But while we were sunbathing...
I don't know, he kept touching me, like all over my tummy. Kill me. I did feel a teeeeensey bit better when he grabbed onto my hipbone tho... I felt thin. Sortof. And we kissed a little. I love the beach. And I loved being there with an actual boy, finally. I remember being at the beach before and seeing those thin girls with boys. But now I was one of those girls...a fat version, but one of them nonetheless!
I felt pretty. For the first time in my life without stripping on Skype for random men, I actually felt pretty.
But it all turned to shit. I woke up from that gorgeous dream this morning when I weighed myself. 127.
127.

127.

Fuck. So now I'm drinking my Ana tea (the Celestial Wild Berry) and my smart water in hopes of losing it. I asked my mother for a new bathroom scale and a gym membership. I need to run these pounds off. It's killin me to think about how much skinnier I could be by now if I could go to the gym once in a flippin' while. Well my friend David just got a car :D I can shamelessly use him fuckyeah.
Okay so, gym: done; school: done; boy: kinda done; car: ... ; job: ... ; CARELESSLY GAINING SIX POUNDS LIKE A FAT FUCKING FAGGOT: DEFINATELY DONE.

gymgymgymgymgymgymgymgym I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. If I dont run I'll get fat. If I get fat I'll die. I'll surely get fat and die. I need to die skinny. I can't die fat. I have to die skinny. Fragile, wrapped in Ana's arms, I will go from this world.
By the time I'm finished with this first semester of college, I want to be underweight, that's 114 atleast. I will be pretty. I will be tiny. Itsy bitsy.

the itsy bitsy Ana
gave up the need to eat
down came her weight
it swept her off her feet.
out came her bones
to shine for all to see
and the itsy bitsy Ana
was finally happy.

I wrote that bitches. If you steal it, there will be Hell to pay. Make sure you cite my blog ;) <3