Ana Camp Days 8&9

Day 8- 5 calories
Day 9- 30 calories

I just don't feel like eating anything.
Imagine something with me?
You're 14. Just coming out of the stages of thinking boys are gross. Kindof starting to like them a little. Just learning to flirt. You have a best friend. A skinny bestfriend (this was before Ana). She's pretty and adorable and sweet. And she knows how to talk to boys.
You like a boy... You introduce her to him. He likes her. Okay, we can brush that off, he was a dick anyway. Look, here comes abother one. This one seems to think you're pretty. He starts to talk to you. You start to like him. He meets your skinny bestfriend... He stops talking to you. Hm. That's some bad luck. Okay, we love our bestfriend, she deserves some boys too :p
Okay moving on. you're a little older now. Really starting to like boys. Haven't had a boyfriend yet, but hey, we're young. Oh, here's one. He's tall, handsome, sweet, amazing, talking to your bestfriend... oh. Again? Okay, well.. why not me this time? Okay, well we can't control who he likes. Not anyones fault.
Now you're seventeen.. And it's happening again. And again. And again. And again. Doesn't matter if the bestfriend changes.

Do you see how, the first couple times, you're okay with it.. you can just brush it off.. But after a while.. after the umpteenth time it happens.. you see how it can wear you down? You see where you might develop some sort of hatred for yourself.
I'm so confused. I'm pretty. I am. I have no problem meeting boys. They just like my friends. All of them. Every time. I know it's stupid to cry. But boys are one of the main reasons I starve. And I know that's stupid. I just don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to say or how skinny I have to be for a boy to like me.

ugh this is dumb. If it wasn't for music, I'd be dead, let's just say that. Music makes me feel special. And pretty. Like boys are supposed to. But they don't.

So you see why I don't feel like eating anything. I want to starve until my bestfriend is INVISIBLE next to me. I want to be the skinny bestfriend. I want to be the friend that the boys ignore you for. I want to be the friend you introduce to guys and they instanly fall for her. I will make you invisible bitch. I'll be the pretty one. I'll be the one going on dates. Just watch me.