Oak.

Finally, broskies. I finally purchased my own fucking computer. God Damn. That took long enough didn't it. It's a gorgeous model, ASUS Ultrabook, Lime Green, super sleek. And skinny like Ana(: The reason I got this notebook, or the reason my mother has quelled herself with, is that I will be starting college in the fall. Ah, college. Free to fast and whore around to my little heart's content. And no one to be fucking concerned. God I fucking hate that word. "I'm just concerned about you, dear." Well here's an idea: take your concerned little heroic brain and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. I don't care how much you supposedly care about my well-being. This is my body. Stop trying to control it. I've already had my body controlled from a very young age and that fucked up my whole life. Don't need others to control my body in adult life. Nooo thank you.
Anyway, how have Ana and I been lately, Hm... Well, I'm definately not eating normally, but I'm definately not fasting. Distracting myself has been the hardest thing. Before I met Ana, eating was a hobby. Hm, I'm hella bored. What should I do... There's Girl Scout Cookies in the cabinet... Awesome. Aaand that's how you got to 149 pounds, dearie. I'm stuck at 125, a sort of plateau. This is the first one I've been in, through 15 pounds of weightloss, can you believe it? My lowest weight to date has been 121 and I'm soooo desperate to get into the teens now. I'm determined. More water, more exercise, more fasting. I need to get with the program!! Ana doesn't wait forever. And when she boogies, she leaves you with a more fucked up metabolism than Lindsay Lohan. Let's get back on track, Ellie!! 11 more pounds til your first underweight goal of 114!
By the way, if you want a good motivation method, shittalk yourself. I know you bitches do that all the time in your head. But I mean seriously, verbally (it helps if there's no one around you when this occurs), open your mouth, look in the mirror and say "Holy. Fuck. You are fat. But you can be skinny!! You can be beautiful and flawless like [insert thinspiration here]. But you're fat. So you need to WORK, BITCH!! No one just wakes up skinny! Stick to your diet! No more mercy!! If you skip an exercise that's one half hour of running at the end of the week! Work, fat bitch, work!" Trust me, it works. The more Richard-Simmon's-Evil-Twin the better ;)
Today I had a double blended vanilla chai frapuccino with whipped cream from Starbucks AND sweet potato fries from Carl's Jr. And tonight I guess we're taking my hot step sister and going to see The Dark Knight Rises. Yes, my step sister is hot. Yes, I would totally do her. No, I'm not gay. She's just super hot. She's one of my many real-life thinspos. And it's extra Wanna-Fuckin-BE-That-Bitch points cause she has an attractive boyfriend. And you know what movie theaters mean, AnaGirls... That's right. Popcorn and butter and salt and FAT. Candy and soda and sugar and FAT. Hotdogs and nachos and chips and FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT. Ugh. So hard to resist that fluffy buttery goodness when watching Christian Bale and Anne Hathaway kick some bad guy's ass. By the way, this has nothing to do with anorexia, but just by the way... If Anne Hathaway... fucks up this movie.. I will PERSONALLY hunt her down... scalp her... make her eat the scalp... break both her legs, and then suck out the marrow with an industrial carwash vacuum..
..
..totally not a psychopath.