ANA STRONG.

I can't eat anymore.
I cannot EVER eat ANYTHING. EVER AGAIN. Ever.
Ana won't let me. She won't let me down. She won't let me be ugly. She's not gonna let me get fat because of my disgusting addiction to food. Food has ruined me. It has made me impure. It has made me hideous. Food has ruined any chance I ever had for love or companionship. I have to stop myself. I have to listen to my Ana bracelet. I have to resist the EVIL urge to eat. It destroys me. All this pain. All my sacrifice. All my work for this almost kinda perfect body, food has RUINED IT ALL. It seduces me. It lies. Promising tiny pleasure for a tiny minute and then raping my mind with regret and self-hate. I hate food. I hate it. I hate my love for it. I hate my disgustingly human need for it.
I can do this. I can starve myself to the kind of perfection only Ana can help me attain. I can resist food. All of it. No more snacking. No more meals. No more empty calories. No more cheat days. Water. Water, Tea, Cigarettes, Diet Pills and Gum. I can do this. I will be perfect.
I have graduated high school as of today. As a graduation present, my parents are buying me a car. I can "go out to eat." I can "eat at work." I can "eat on the go." I will be shooting music videos and going on photoshoots and mini tours for my album promotion. Hardly anytime to sit down and eat. I will shrink, inch by inch. I will be in college, too much stress for food. And the more stress, the better. Stress makes me skinny.
My skin will suffer. My hair will suffer. My nails will suffer. My joints will suffer. But beauty is worth it.
Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I so obsessed with achieving unattainable perfection?
The most exciting thing for me about getting a car is being able to go to the gym. Or just out to a random track for a run. Being able to totally distract myself from eating. Making money at my new job and being able to afford my own apple computer with that money because it won't be spent on food!
Today was good. I didn't eat anything except when I got home from my meeting with my manager today, I had some eggs and cheese :( blegh. Really shouldn't have happened but what's done is done. Im trying not to purge anymore because my music career is in its prime and I really don't wanna disappoint fans at my live shows with a fucked up Kelly Clarkson voice. I just wont eat.
I will be purely angelic. Beautifully empty. As gorgeous and boney and delicate as my hands. God I love my hands. They're nothing but bone. They're cold ALL THE TIME. They're long and lean and perfect. My hands are my thinspo. They make my strong. But there's stong, and then there's ANA STRONG. I will be Ana Strong. Perfect and empty and pure and strong.
The head bone's connected to the...neck bone. The neck bone's connected to the...back bone. The back bone's connected to the...hip bones. The hip bones' connected to the...thigh bones...